


The life we can never live

by DrowningDutchman



Category: Jojo Rabbit (2019)
Genre: Anal Sex, Cuddling, I Accidentally Made This Sad, I may or may not have some issues, M/M, Office Sex, Porn, Porn with Feelings, reminiscing about a live they can't have
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-02-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:47:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22654237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrowningDutchman/pseuds/DrowningDutchman
Summary: Freddy often gets called into Captain Klenzendorf's office quite often.He never really gets reprimanded like people expect.
Relationships: Freddy Finkel/Captain Klenzendorf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 181





	The life we can never live

**Author's Note:**

> My first smutty smutty porn that I have had the courage to post online. enjoy.

The air was cold and grim out in Russia, anyone could have seen this coming from miles away. It was a wonder they had even gotten as far into the country as they had. Now, winter had rolled in and the action had slowed down. A small company of soldiers stationed to keep a town with seemingly little significance didn’t seem like they were going to have as much action as they actually saw. The young men were not prepared for the awful things they would see in their time at the front, but their commanding officer had already seen it all before.

Friedrich Finkel was one of these young soldiers. He wasn’t built for war, but most of the young men in the company were not built for war. They were young, inexperienced and drafted into this conflict that wasn’t really theirs to fight. Friedrich however was a different case, he was certain his parents were glad to be rid of him, now he would be ‘useful’ and a ‘real man’, nothing like he was at home. At home he was awful at what he did, at least that was what he always heard. No one even cared when he started to go by Freddy, they just expected that it was because his given name was starting to give expectations of failure to everyone around him.

Freddy was sitting with the other soldiers in the building that was designated to become the mess hall after they came into town, after they took over. Some of the soldiers were talking, chatting about their lives back home, chatting about the lives they were going to go back to when they came home. New wives, young children, old families, Freddy however, was always silent throughout these moments, just listening to the lives of others, the life he knew he could never live.

Freddy, besides his family not liking him very much had another reason why he could not just go home. Freddy considered it the reason his family didn’t like him, even if they likely didn’t even know. He saw the letters everyone got and himself getting none as a sign that somewhere everyone in his family knowing he was fucked up. His parents always wondered why fine young man would not come home with a nice lady sometimes, they would have if Freddy had not already been more helpful to his sisters and whatever work they had to do. Freddy didn’t even think about ever taking a woman home.

Freddy was a homosexual. He didn’t choose this reality for himself. He didn’t want to be this way. He never asked to feel the way he felt about men, he didn’t want to be this way. He tries to hide this as hard as he can, he tries to look at women when they walk by, he tried to force himself into a relationship once, but then the draft came. He didn’t know what to do when he got to the army, he just suppressed himself even more. He made mistakes here too, but even so it was easier than at home. He got praised for being near, praised for things that got him called out when he was back home.

The young man was shaken from his thoughts when lieutenant Kirsch stepped into the building and started shouting about one thing or another. He had a big mouth on him, Freddy doesn’t remember ever hearing the man just speak. The soldiers were being called for manoeuvres and Freddy got up with the others until he heard Kirsch shout his name.

“Finkel! Come here will you!” As all the soldiers started filing out, Freddy went over to lieutenant Kirsch looking up at the man who was at least a head taller than him. The lieutenant looked at him for a moment and grumbled to himself about something. “Captain Klenzendorf wants to speak to you, go!”

Freddy nodded quickly and went outside, stepping into the snow with a nice and satisfying crunch. It was the only nice thing about being in this awful place. That and the captain. He often called him in for conversations or ‘reprimands’, which were never actually what anyone thought. The other soldiers joked about him and whatever he had done to manage to get reprimanded as often as he did. They also wondered sometimes why he was still there if he got reprimanded that often, they wondered why he never got discharged yet. Freddy knew exactly why and he was happy with it.

Freddy stepped into the building, normally crawling with soldiers, now completely abandoned for manoeuvres, putting his gun next to the door inside. He went to the office he knew captain Klenzendorf to be in and knocked. He was soon greeted by a voice he easily recognized as his captain, bidding him to come in. Freddy slowly opened the door and smiled as the captain looked at him. “It’s good to see you Finkel. Close the door behind you.”

Freddy did what he was asked, closing and locking the door behind him as he always did. He turned back to the captain as he stood up from his position at the desk. The captain stopped right in front of him and smiled for a moment until he moved in to kiss the young man, moving his hands through Freddy’s hair. Freddy just rested his arms on the other’s shoulders. They shared the same secret.

Freddy was terrified the first time this happened, the captain had called him in to talk about one thing or another. They ended up sitting in silence for a moment, not knowing what was going on between them. The captain moved in to kiss the young man and Freddy was scared if he would be too excited he would end up being reported, this feeling hanged when his body told him this was right and he moved into every single touch and movement the older man made. That was their first time being together in any capacity. Freddy asked if it meant anything and the captain looked at him for a moment. The captain told him it meant a lot, it meant everything to him and it meant much more than either of them could know at this point. He offered for it to continue, only if he wanted to and Freddy said yes. They had an arrangement, a nice one, one neither of them ever expected to have. The captain told Freddy that when they were together like this, they were equal, he was not his captain in that moment, he was just Kurt and Freddy was just Freddy.

At this moment Kurt was playing with Freddy’s hair for a moment, probably just for comfort. His other hand was slowly gliding down Freddy’s back, which caused Freddy to let out a small moan into the kiss and Kurt pulled away slightly. “Now, don’t make too much noise dear. We don’t want anyone to get alarmed.”

“I know, Kurt. I’m sorry…” Freddy just looked at Kurt for a moment, deep into this man’s eyes who was giving him everything he wanted, love, acceptance, everything. He had accepted that this was likely just some kind of weird arrangement because men get lonely. He however, just wanted to feel like he was being accepted, which with this man he felt.

“No need to apologize, Freddy. You know why I called you here, and you’re already practically ready, aren’t you?” Freddy nodded at the man’s words without even thinking about what he was saying. Kurt let go of Freddy for a moment, walking to the windows and closing the curtains, this lack of touch at such a moment made Freddy just want the man more. Lust was building inside him and he walked over to the desk in the middle of the room, leaning on it for a moment. Kurt turned back to him and smiled, speaking slowly and deliberately. “I admire your enthusiasm…stay like that for a moment. Take the jacket off though.”

Freddy smiled at the other, taking his uniform jacket off and retaking his position leaning over the desk. Kurt made his way over to Freddy, turning his head to kiss him, before running his hand down his neck. Freddy let out a long laboured breath. Kurt took his position behind the young man, moving his hand over the other’s chest for a moment, moving his suspenders off of the man’s shoulders. He smiled kissing the back of Freddy’s neck as he started undoing the buttons of his shirt. “Kurt…please…”

“Ssssh, calm down… Don’t get too wild just yet, I haven’t even done anything yet.” Kurt smiled that this young man was already coming undone at the slightest of his touches. As he finished the buttons, he pulled the man’s undershirt out of his trousers, sliding his hands up his physique, stopping at the young man’s nipples for a moment. “Now you get to make those noises…”

Freddy followed the man’s commands letting out a soft moan as his fingers played with his nipples. Freddy grabbed onto the desk as hard as he could. Bracing himself so he wouldn’t buckle under the sheer anticipation. Kurt kissed the young man’s neck again for a moment, moving his hands down to the young man’s belt, opening it slowly. He slowly undid the button and zipper of the young man’s trousers, sliding them over the young man’s, in his opinion, perfect ass slowly. He stood behind him, palming the young man’s groin through his long underwear. “Feels like you’re already hard for me, good…”

“Of course, I am… It already happens when I think of you.” Freddy lets out another long, laboured breath again. Kurt grinned and kissed the young man’s shoulder, he continued slowly pressing his hand into his groin again.

“Do you think of me often? Do you touch yourself thinking about me? Tell me dear, I want to know.” Kurt continued to kiss Freddy wherever he could reach, smiling into the kisses.

“I…all the time…” Freddy admitted, he had done much worse with the man now, so admitting to this would not make his predicament any worse than it was already.

“I hoped so, I do to. I think of how good you look when you’re aroused like this. I think of how good you looked with me in your mouth. Then I just have to call you in here, because I rile myself up with the thought of you. Sometimes I just close my eyes and take care of it myself, but sometimes I need more and I call you in here.” He slowly pulled the young man’s underwear down, letting his erection spring free. He didn’t touch it which made Freddy let out another low moan. “You’re beautiful Freddy…”

Freddy threw his head back as the cold air hit him for a moment. As he tried to turn around to look at the other, he was just told to stay put. He heard the other fiddle behind him, with his own clothes. He heard the other undress behind him, his suspenders being lowered, his trousers being unzipped and falling to the ground. Freddy wanted to look around at the source of the sound, it was more of a reflex than anything else. Kurt however moved his hand over Freddy’s, interlacing their fingers. Freddy smiled at this small sign of love; of this thing he could never actually have. He leaned forward a bit more as Kurt leaned over him, feeling the other man’s shirt against his back. Kurt put his hand over Freddy’s mouth for a moment, Freddy knew this to be so he would not make too much noise, so no one would hear, so no one would find out their secret.

Kurt pushed in slowly and Freddy moaned loudly into Kurt’s hand and he could not help a tear rolling over his cheek, Kurt held himself against the young man. Freddy tried to keep himself strong for the other, it was all he had. The way Kurt went about it made Freddy feel like he cared, he was slow about it, holding him the exact right way, the touches were perfect. Freddy felt good and if the desk were not in the way he would have fallen to the floor, crumpled like a mess.

Kurt’s thrusts picked up speed, holding the young man firmly pinned against the desk he normally did paperwork on. He let his hands roam over the young man’s body, kissing his neck for a moment. He loved watching the young man in this much pleasure, feeling all that was there when it came to the young man’s body. He held the young man’s hips for a moment while Freddy had started fully leaning over the desk, holding his head in his hand, giving small little yelps every time Kurt was fully inside hm. Kurt slowly moved his hand to the young man’s member and as Kurt took him in his hand he could feel the young man already throbbing in his hand. He smiled and the feeling and as he stroked the other slowly, Freddy let out another long, soft moan at the feeling. “Freddy… you can cum for me dear…”

Freddy let out a moan that, if anyone had been around, would have raised suspicions immediately. It would have had someone break down the door and they would have been caught and likely hanged for what they were doing. They were alone though, alone and bound together by a secret they shared. Freddy was good at following directions, coming to his climax not much later, partially into Kurt’s hand, partially on the side of the desk and he fell down as far as he could, right onto the desk.

Kurt continued thrusting into Freddy with a steady place, leaning over him as he was breathing heavily, kissing his neck. “You listen very well. You better be ready.”

Freddy nodded, exasperated into the desk as Kurt pretty his lips against the young man’s neck. Kurt put his hands on the desk, around Freddy, picking up the pace a bit more as Freddy was still laying slumped on the desk. Kurt ended with some very slow, deep thrusts, leaving his load inside the younger man as he came holding him in his arms. He held the young man for a moment before letting go and pulling out of the other slowly.

Kurt dressed himself, but Freddy couldn’t get himself to move. Kurt slowly walked to the other side of the desk, looking at Freddy for a moment. “Hey, are you okay?”

Kurt touched Freddy’s shoulder for a moment and Freddy looked over at him. Freddy wanted this, he wanted to feel this loved all the time, he wanted to feel as if he were worth something, even if all he was good for was being there for his captain to have sex with, maybe that was his key to getting out of this mess.

“Please, hold me…” He looked at the other, saying these words softly before he crumpled down to the floor. Kurt quickly made his way over to pick Freddy up from the floor, as he got him to stand up, he felt just how tired the young man was. He helped the young man get back into his underwear and trousers, taking him into the next room as he got him slightly presentable again.

“You need to lay down for a moment… don’t strain yourself too much.” Freddy nodded as he was put down on the bed, noticing he was in what he presumed to be Kurt’s bedroom, strangely connected to the office, but he guessed it made some sense. Kurt sat on the bed, holding Freddy’s head in his lap, smiling at the young man as he played with his hair.

“Do you care about me?” Freddy said this absentmindedly, staring at the opposite wall, feeling this bliss and happiness of the moment, of the other playing with his hair for a moment.

“Of course, I do, otherwise you wouldn’t be here.” He smiled and stroked Freddy’s hair, he felt the young man fall asleep in his lap.

“It’s okay if you don’t… I’m not very useful anyways… This is really the only thing I am good for.” Kurt stopped playing with his hair for a moment.

“Who told you that?” He looked down at the young man, turning his head to look into his eyes for a moment.

“Me, because it’s true. I’m not useful for much else. I just wish things could have been different…” Kurt smiled and started stroking the young man’s hair again, trying to soothe him as much as possible.

“What do you want? How different do you want this to be?” Freddy looked away again, eyes slowly falling closed over time.

“I just wish I could be loved… That’s not in the cards for me though…” Freddy closed his eyes willingly and smiled a little bit. “We still have to clean that mess… I think I’m leaking; I don’t know.”

“Just close your eyes and sleep, I’ll take care of all of that.” Kurt smiled, making sure that was the last thing Freddy saw before he slept, so his dreams could be happy. As Freddy fell asleep Kurt didn’t stop playing with his hair, he just looked at the young man’s sleeping form, getting up for a moment to put Freddy on the bed properly and kneeling down next to him to kiss him on the cheek and whisper to him for a moment.

“I love you Freddy, with all my heart. I wish you just knew.” He just wished he could be with this young man, hold him in his arms while they sat in the couch. Dance with him to whatever music they could find to play on the gramophone, just being a normal couple, in love. He knew they were destined to live silently and no matter how much they wanted it, they couldn’t live a normal life, because they knew they weren’t normal.

They knew they were looking for a life they couldn’t possibly live.


End file.
